Updated: Jan 1
THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW : The Mysterious Case Of Friend-Zone.
It starts as it always does. You meet a cute girl and start hanging out together. She likes talking with you, she is laughing at your jokes, and you think that she might be into you, but you’re too afraid to make a move. Time goes by and you’re still only friends. Finally, you decide that it’s now or never. You reveal your feelings. Then she delivers that oh-so-familiar line: “Let’s just be friends.”
Ok, friendship is great, but is not what you want from this pretty girl you can’t stop thinking about! Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened. Sometimes you feel afraid to make a move because you already feel that you are already in the “Friend Zone.” How to get out of the friend zone and why are the girls you like always the ones that just want to be friends?
From my observations, I can say that there are 2 reasons why women friend-zone men:
FIRST SCENARIO. (Unfortunate but not hopeless): She’s Not Into You.
It’s nobody’s fault. Like men, women have their own preferences. Believe me, most of the times a woman’s idea of the ‘perfect man’ is surprising even to her closest friends!
You can be the cutest guy on earth, smart, funny, with a good-paying job, and even be extremely attractive to other women, but sometimes THAT GIRL IS JUST NOT INTO YOU. She might be flattered that you are flirting with her and she may even respond to your attention in a flirtatious way.
If she is flirting, but only wants to stay friends, she probably just enjoys male attention. If you are not completely her type, she probably won’t go and take your relationship to the “next level.” You might seem nice, intelligent, and funny to her, but are simply not attractive enough. Sounds tough, I know. Fortunately, there are some tricks I will share with you that can use to change her mind.
First, some examples: My best friend is a totally gorgeous girl. She’s intelligent, has an amazing smile and long legs. She really could have any guy! But she was friend-zoning almost every man who approached her. Sometimes there were really hot guys showing interest in her, but she still wasn’t interested in any of them. The reason was simple: she liked only dark-skinned, muscular guys.
Whenever cute guys with a different kind of look approached her, she would be friendly – she would flash her big smile and bat her eyelashes, but she never went beyond that. She wouldn’t compromise her tastes in a guy that didn’t match her type.
If you are physically or mentally the opposite of her type, – for example, you are a cute, but quite a short man and she happens to like tall ‘Viking type’ guys – I am sorry, it more than likely will not work out. If you are bartender and she is into guys that work in finance or at fancy consultancy firms, it will be very difficult to get this girl.
This could happen for any number of reasons: You are obviously a playboy and she likes decent, shy guys. You are an accountant but she is only interested in artsy types.. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any exceptions, but usually, if you are not her type, it will be changing her mind no matter what you do.
Perhaps you feel that this is not the case? Did she used to date guys similar to you, and could she be into you, but there is something you are always doing wrong?
SECOND SCENARIO. You are doing something wrong, which made her begin to think of you only as a friend.
If this is the case, then there is good news. It’s possible to change her mind and I am going to tell you how.
You can change her mind with these six easy steps:
1. Keep your cool and accept the situation
Don’t beg for her to give you a chance, EVER. She made a conscious decision to not be anything more than friends with you. You must play with the irrational, illogical side of her personality. You’ll do much better if you start putting less focus on her and more focus on you.
2. Focus on self-improvement
Nobody is perfect, so there is always a huge amount of room for improvement. It gives us hope as well, right? Start looking your best. Go to the gym and keep up a healthy diet. Also, don’t forget about the intellectual side of things. Try to be a hot and interesting person. If you feel more confident about yourself, she will probably notice it. Girls love self-confidence and after all, the special girl you want is just another girl.
3. Spend time with her doing regular things
No candles, dinner, watching sunset, listening to CD’s at your place, etc. Just invite her out to do “friendly” things with you. After all, this is exactly what she wanted, right? Go out and do the things you would do yourself anyway, like going out to buy new clothes and stuff like that. Shopping is actually a good idea for 2 reasons. She will be happy to help you and you will have a good opportunity to ‘accidentally’ show her some of your finely worked out body (see number 2.)
Every situation that leaves some space for physical contact that leaves her thinking about you are helpful in this situation. Always try to emphasize your sexuality, but in a very polite, seemingly unconscious way.
4. Hang out with other people and have fun
A little dose of jealousy never hurt anyone. It’s like fuelling her fire with desire. Without a little portion of it, any relationship can get boring, so flirt with other women! A lot.
You can be the perfect guy, but she can’t know that she ‘has’ you. Ever.
Even If you have revealed your feelings to her directly or you have made it obvious to her, you should try to attract other women too! You will become more valuable in the mind of the girl you actually want. A twinge of jealousy that comes from knowing other people find you attractive is priceless.
The old adage ‘never put all your eggs in one basket’ is very true, so take advantage of it. Start meeting other people. It will get her curious, but also help you get some practice flirting. The more women you meet, the better you become at playing the game and getting the girl you want.
5. Finally, the difficult part, which probably you are doing wrong: flirting
Never forget the importance of sexual attraction. Of course, it’s less significant of an issue for women than for men, but after all, we have certain needs. Start teasing her and giving her compliments, but avoid elaborate, sophisticated ones. For example, perfume is a safe subject. If she chooses to wear perfume, it means she liked the scent, so it’s safe. It’s also a very sensual compliment. Always avoid teasing or discussing her age or weight. It can only go wrong.
6. Use sensual tricks
Touch her from time to time. I don’t mean grab her ass. I’m talking about touching her arm casually. I know it’s difficult for shy people, but if you play it cool, almost as though it’s accidental, it can work. But always pay attention to how she responds and her body language. Moderation is the best solution for everything.
All in all, you have to be a great observer.
Pay attention to her and see if her attitude towards you has changed. If you see that she looks at you differently, touches you sometimes, starts flirting with you herself, notices that you work out, gets jealous when you are flirting with another woman, then these are all good signs! She will probably not make a move, so you must make it yourself. But she will give you hints to encourage you to kiss her or ask for a date.
The last resort: Leverage the friendship
If everything fails, accept the friendship with your crush. Try to banish your romantic feelings for her as much as you can and focus on being a good friend – and stand by your decision. That way you are “just” a friend by YOUR own choice, but by hers.
You might think “Why would I do that, I really want to be more than just friends with her”. If she absolutely doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, you just have to move on… and capitalize on the opportunity to hook up with one of her friends!
You are in the perfect position to pull that off because you have earned the trust and social proof of your crush. Getting to know one of her friends is a piece of cake from here. Just don’t end up in the friend zone again